I Know Why Lesbians Wear Flannel

Sep 09

Anonymous said: this blog is kind of inspirational to me, since i'm still figuring me out, and am so so young, and fuck. just. thank you for writing what you do because i feel like i have some company. :/ - a genderfucked teen.

Thank you! I don’t write on my GSM blog as much as I do on my main blog (becomingkaden), so I would suggest that you follow that one as well. I do post a lot of random stuff too, so be warned.

I don’t really figure I’m out to be an inspiration, but if my thoughts and ideas and whatnot can help someone else along then I think I must be doing something right!

Jul 01

I had dinner with my parents today.

Before dinner I was hanging out with my mom, who was using her sewing machine, and I figured it’d be an okay time to talk while she was busy (because she’d be less likely to give me a lecture if she was distracted).

I struggled inwardly for a while, then finally just blurted out “Mom, will you give me a haircut?”

She looked at me for a second and said “You just cut your hair.”

"Yeah, but I want it shorter now."


"You wouldn’t like it if I told you."

"…do you want to look like a lesbian?"

"Nope. I do not want to look like a lesbian."

"Well then why do you want your hair shorter?"

I didn’t say anything.

Finally, “You want to look like a boy, don’t you?”

"It’s not that I want to look like one…but that is a side goal."

"So now you think you’re a boy?"

I didn’t say anything again.

"You do crafts. You sew, you make jewelry, you cook. That makes you a girl."

"There are lots of guys who do those things."

"Yeah, GAY guys."

"Maybe I’m gay, Mom."

At this point my brother walked into the room, “This conversation sounds fun. Can I join in?”

And then my mom grumbled “I’m not giving you a haircut so you can look like a boy.” and went back to her sewing.

All in all, I think the ‘talk to her while she’s distracted’ method worked pretty well. She didn’t lecture me on religion, and she didn’t yell.

Jun 29

I ordered my first packer and my first real binder today.

I’m strangely excited. Maybe I am more trans than I thought. Is that possible? Can someone be okay with their genitals and with presenting as female a lot of the time, but still be trans? I still would not get gender reassignment surgery (except to gain a penis, but I don’t want to lose my labia), but I do want to bind and pack probably about 50% of the time. Is that trans? If it is, I’m totally okay with it. I’m just a little confused with where I’m at in this big space called gender identity.

A couple days ago I became interested in someone who was a little concerned about my presenting as masculine while we were together. The relationship didn’t happen for reasons that are not important, but it did get me thinking. I had told this person that I could present more feminine while we were together, and it sounded great, but I’m not so sure that I can/could. What if I woke up one day and was glaringly male? How could I force that down and express myself as female when that is not how I felt? It would be lying to myself and to the world to express in a way that was not harmonious to how I felt that day. So, the moral of that is that I need to find someone who is okay with my gender expression. In all likelihood it’d be another genderqueer individual. Where does one find other genderqueers who like genderqueers?

That does lead me to another point-employment. I am looking for work right now and it is going to suck some major ass if I end up in a place that is transphobic/homophobic.

I also have to admit that I am a little scared and worried. I don’t give a shit what other people think, but I do care about what could happen to me. When I set off down this path, in April of this year, I told myself and the people I care about that I was simply exploring gender. It turns out that there is nothing simple about it. In the span of 2-3 months I have gone from believing that I was a cisgender female to questioning if I am a transgender male. It’s a little scary, and a lot confusing.

I’m more comfortable in a tight sports bra than a “regular” bra. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish that I had a penis. Going into the women’s bathroom has started to scare me. I’m comfortable with having body hair. I prefer products that have typically male scents. But I’m also comfortable with wearing skirts, having long hair, being called “mama”, having breasts, wearing feminine clothing, occasionally wearing makeup/nail polish, and wearing heeled shoes.

So…what the hell?

Jun 27

30 Day Genderqueer Challenge-Day 9

You can find the original challenge here

9) What have you done or plan to do to socially transition? Pronouns, name, coming out, etc.

Because my gender is more fluid and changing than simply queer, I don’t intend to do any sort of transitioning. I sort of use gender neutral pronouns, but Ive found that it doesn’t feel any different to me to still use the female pronouns that people have always used for me. I won’t change my name, and I tell people that I am genderqueer either when they ask something about it, or when it becomes pertinent.

Jun 08

Sudden Dysphoria

I have no idea why, but I suddenly get dysphoric if I see a woman in the bathroom. I’ve ALWAYS used the women’s room, all my life. Why am I freaked out now that women use it? It’s never been a problem before.

It’s definitely not the end of the world. I can deal with this. But I feel like I need to hurry now, like I should duck into a stall before anyone sees me.

Jun 07

My Mom Made Me Cry Yesterday

We were in her car on the way to her house so I could eat dinner with them (yeah, the allure of free food and adult conversation does sometimes lure me away from my single-mom-college-student lair). The topic of homosexuality was brought up (because this is the only term my mom uses for non-hetero people. If you aren’t straight then you must be gay). I knew I couldn’t make her understand my point of view (she’s a Mormon) so I decided that I wanted to try to understand hers. Maybe I could make a more convincing argument that way. Well, that was a pretty big mistake.

Here are some quotes from my mom:

"Gays are just confused."

"If you aren’t ever going to have kids, why bother getting married?"

"Well, two gays and two lesbians can just swap partners and marry then."

"Everyone has challenges. Some people are born blind, some people lose their limbs, some people are rapists or axe murderers, and some people are gay." (<— This one almost made me lose it.)

"Gay people need to marry people of the opposite gender and just tough it out. They need to suck it up."

"Sometimes friendship is more important than love."

"If you get married to a woman, I won’t ever accept her as my daughter, or as anything more than your friend." (This is the part of the conversation that got me started on the emotions.) She continued on this branch: "If she ever came over to our house, I would expect that there would be no PDA. You know that I don’t allow other things in my house, so this shouldn’t be too hard for you." (I understand her no smoking and no drinking rule. But this one is tough to swallow.) I wanted to point out to my mom that this was a big deal for me, so I said: "Mom, I know that you want all your kids and grandkids to come over and spend the night Christmas Eve so that we can all be together for Christmas. If I marry a woman, I won’t be able to do that." Her response: "You could come without her."

When she finally pulled into her driveway I was at the point of wiping away tears. She asked me “Are you thinking of marrying a woman?” And my stupid self didn’t want to tell her the truth (that at this point in my life I would much rather marry a woman than a man), so I lied and said “No, mom, I’m just getting close to my period so I’m all hormonal.” and I got out of the car as quickly as I could and focused on getting my son into her house.

Also, she had some real gems to say about trans* people:

"If it looks like a man, I’m going to call it a man. If it looks like a woman, I’m going to call it a woman."

I asked this: “What if someone is in the middle of their transition, and you can’t tell what gender they look like?”

"Then I’ll ask them what parts they were born with and that’s what they are."

Me: “Even if they identify as something else?”

"Of course! You can’t be something other than the gender you were born as. God doesn’t make mistakes like that."

Mom, I love you because you kept me alive long enough for me to be able to keep myself alive (which was about 12 years old). At this point, I don’t think I can have anything stronger than respect for your maternal life-giving abilities and sewing prowess. I don’t see you as a human being worthy of admiration anymore.

Jun 06

FACT: Lipstick lesbians are actually 17% lipstick and begin to lose their structure in temperatures over 90 degrees Fahrenheit. This is why lipstick lesbians cannot use hot tubs.

Jun 06

Genderqueer 30 Day Challenge- Day 8

You can find the original challenge here

8) An unpopular or unsure opinion about the GSM community.

Hmmmm…I’m not sure about this one. Get back to you later?

May 31

Word of the Day



This one was actually requested via askbox.

Polysexual regularly gets mixed up with pansexual and it’s easy to understand why. Polysexuals are attracted to multiple genders and and sexes whereas pansexuals are attracted to all genders and sexes.

  • Poly means many.
  • Pan means all.

So if you’re polysexual then you might be attracted to say… men, women and androgynous types. If you’re pansexual then you’re attracted to everybody, no what they identify as.

May 30
May 29

Quick Jumps: Specific Searching? Click on Links Below #Gay #Lesbian #Bisexual #Transgender/Trans* #Genderqueer/Gender Queer/ Third Gender #Queer #Pansexual #Asexual/Ace #Intersex #Ally #PFLAG #1,000+ Posts #Spoken Word #Quotes and Quips #Anthems/Music #History You Should Know #Pink Triangle History #Flag(s) History #Military/Armed Forces #Vintage #Theatre #Movies/Films #Documentary/Documentaries #Book(s) #Art #Comic(s)/Graphic Novels #Political Cartoons #Bully/Bullies/Assistance #coming out #Christian #Jewish #Muslim #Notes from Kh’s Moderator, Rebecca Questions? Comments? Want To Start A Dialogue With Other People? Go to KnowHomo’s Question Page. More We Know Discussion Page 

Reblogged because the tag cloud looks awesome.
May 29

Falling in love with a Transgender Man →


When you date a man who was not born male, people have questions. Most of these questions are about sexual relations. Some are astonishingly bold, like my good friend who requested I draw her a picture of what my boyfriend’s privates looked like.

Then there was my mother, who, upon hearing that my online beau and I were officially an item, blurted out, “Does it even work?”

Transmen are used to these queries, invasive and inappropriate as they may be. This is still a man’s world—men earn more, control more, are valued more—and what makes a man is nothing less than the key to the cultural castle. If the only true definition of manliness is “one who possesses a working penis,” that poses an interesting dilemma for the guy who’s suffered, say, an unfortunate lamb shearing accident. And what about men with negligible penises? Are they only 10 percent male? How about men who require pills to make their penises elevate? Are they men only when medicated?

This article is written by Allison Cooper. She describes her relationship with a transman; the feelings she goes through, the questions she faces and the thoughts she has. It’s very heartwarming and interesting. A good read!

May 26

Genderqueer 30 Day Challenge- Day 7

You can find the original challenge here

7) What are your favorite physical features of yourself?

I absolutely love my ass. My lips are nice as well. I also like my hands, because I think that they aren’t gross and I can do quite a few things with them ;)

May 25

Genderqueer 30 Day Challenge- Day 6

You can find the original challenge here
6) When did you realize you were Genderqueer?
A couple months ago. I went to the Power of One conference with a group of people from my college and had a blast, and realized that I wasn’t cis-gendered after all.
May 23
Oh good golly gosh. Some days this is my Gender Wheel. I wake up, my brain says &#8220;Time to spin the wheel and see what you are today!&#8221;. Only, some days I have more than one pointer, so I get more than one gender for the day. Those are fun.

Oh good golly gosh. Some days this is my Gender Wheel. I wake up, my brain says “Time to spin the wheel and see what you are today!”. Only, some days I have more than one pointer, so I get more than one gender for the day. Those are fun.